An Army Wife Remembers

An Army Wife Remembers on The Fourth of July
Posted by dorothywilhelm
I cried when my husband received his orders to Korea. and I begged him not to go. I was twenty two years old, and new to the business of being an Army wife. He was twenty four, a newly promoted First Lieutenant, and it would be our first separated tour. He wouldn’t see me or our two small children for sixteen months. “I have to go,” he explained patiently. “Even if I wanted to get out of the Army – and I don’t – I couldn’t leave until after this tour of duty.” And he said, for the first time, what I was to hear him say often, over the years, “We just have to keep marching.”
The Korean War started when I was sixteen. As a typical teen ager, my great worry at first was whether the war would spoil my Sweet Sixteen party. Of course, the reality slowly dawned. We learned names like Inchon and Pusan. When the handsome boy who lived across the alley was maimed at the Chosin Reservoir, the full impact struck me. Soldiers and Marines who had only recently returned from world War II were being recalled to fight again at places we’d never heard of. “Those that were there will never forget! Those who were not will never know,” President Ronald Reagan said.
My young husband and I were lucky, of course. By the time he landed in Seoul, the actual fighting was over, and the discussions had descended to squabbles over the size of the negotiating table and the height of the flag staffs. So he wasn’t in danger, perhaps, but he certainly was gone.
It’s sort of a joke among military wives that something awful always happens at the start of a separated deployment. Either the dog runs away or the car stalls or the furnace
quits. The first day Roger was gone, our eighteen month old son fell down the stairs at my mothers house and required emergency surgery. Luckily little guys bounce back fast. In between caring for him and his sister, I managed to write every day but I never mentioned our son’s accident . What would be the use? It took four to six weeks for a letter to reach Roger. By that time, our boy would be well. I’d receive no mail for weeks sometime and then it would come all at once; letters and tapes on old fashioned reel to reel tapes. I still have every one. I don’t think either of us ever missed a day. No email, no phone calls in those days.
Military wives generally form the habit of not sharing big problems with the absent spouse. We work it through – and we keep marching.
A generation later my daughter in law, as a Navy wife, kept what she called a Whine Journal. She wrote in it everything that went wrong while my son was at sea; how angry and frustrated she felt, and then when that was finished she’d close the book firmly, and write her husband the usual cheerful letter. She just kept marching.
I learned by watching what it means to be a soldier’s soldier. Often the phone rings in the middle of the night with news of some crisis
or some young soldier in trouble. The soldier’s soldier throws on his clothes and is out the door before his sleeping wife can say, “What is it.” The welfare of the troops comes first.
Every time. By the way, every officer knows from the day he is commissioned that he is forbidden to speak in public or to the press about his Commander in Chief or his policies.
His wife knows it too. Because he’s the Commander in Chief, that’s why.
So for fifty seven years, I’ve been a military wife, widow, and mother and here’s the message I need to leave with you. You can say all you want about how how the President is ruining the country. That’s your right. I can vigorously disagree with you. That’s my right. But I’ve had the opportunity over the years to live in a few of those countries where a sinister knock on the door in the middle of the night is a reality. It gives new meaning to the too familiar phrase, Freedom isn’t Free. In a very real sense
Freedom is a toll road and the toll is paid by our military and their families.
They’ll just keep marching. What will you do?

Lost in Issaquah

Posted by dorothywilhelm in Theater. Tagged: Lost in Yonkers, Odd Couple, Simon, Theater. Leave a Comment |Edit

Today my daughter and I drove up to the quaint, small town of Issaquah, Washington to see a production of Neil Simon’s Lost in Yonkers. It’s about a sixty five mile drive from my little town of DuPont. And the traffic was dreadful the whole way. We had just minutes to spare by the time we arrived at the theater, so I hurried to get our tickets at Will Call, and Gina went on to park the car. When the last call to be seated came, she was still looking for a parking place. I’m pretty sure that a good mother would have waited out in front of the theater with tickets in hand. But I’m semi-ashamed to say that I left her ticket with an usher and went in to see the start of the show. After all, I needed to tell her how the play began.

I suppose Neil Simon is my favorite comedy playwright and certainly Lost in Yonkers is my favorite of his plays (though the Odd Couple, Barefoot in the Park, and the Brighton Beach Trilogy run a close second, third, and fourth.) What I like about Yonkers is that Simon manages to deal with terrible human loss and many complex issues in a way that’s often hysterically funny.

The daughter who accompanied me to the play is an actor. She appears in many productions in the Seattle area. Last year she was in a production of The Wizard of Oz in which she played The Wicked Witch of the West, a plum part (a green plum). But I found out a surprising thing. Nothing in life prepares you to see your child melt. Even when you knew it was coming.

Spring is here

Spring is here dorothywilhelm | February 20, 2010 at 8:17 PM | Tags: Pacific Northwest, rain, Spring | Categories: My Journal | URL:http://wp.me/pCg7H-2a

We know that it may be depressing news in other parts of the country, but here in the Pacific Northwest, Spring is definitely under way. Today I've seen crocuses and daffodils and a very

bemused looking bunny rabbit. But it's what we expect in the Northwest. After all, it's February 19 - but oh well, Spring is a little late this year.

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Ash Wednesday

Don't Give Up for Lent - Add up!! dorothywilhelm | February 18, 2010 at 7:49 PM | Tags: Ash Wednesday, Lent, Parents | Categories: Faith and religion | URL:http://wp.me/pCg7H-28

I don't know whether I'm embarrassed or proud to say that I'm an old fashioned Catholic, still observing Lent in the good old fashioned way, which is to say that I'm sitting here in front of my computer with a smudge of ash on my head. I like it. See here's the thing, I've come to the age where I really don't have to do things I don't like anymore. That's pretty good. I don't give up things for Lent any more. I try instead to add things to my life, to find activities, or books, or meditations that make me more the person I'm supposed to be. As the years go on, I figure I'd better get it together if I'm ever going to. Florence Littauer, author, professional speaker, and humorist summed it up for me when she said, "I feel as if I'm cramming for a final examination I have no hope of passing. " My number two son just reported on his facebook page that when the priest asked at Mass tonight "What keeps you from being free?" a second grader answered "Our Parent s." Well, there's always something isn't there? I'd love to hear what, if anything, you do to observe Lent.

It Wasn't Presidents Day

It wasn't President's Day dorothywilhelm | February 16, 2010 at 7:23 PM | Tags: George Washington, Nellie Bly, Presidents Day | Categories:American History | URL: http://wp.me/pCg7H-22

I was stunned to learn that whatever we celebrated today, it wasn't Presidents Day because there is no such federal holiday. Well, my first thought was, so how come I didn't get any mail? That's because today is officially the combined Lincoln-Washington Birthday. THAT's the Federal Holiday according to Greg Joyce in the St. Petersburg Times. I kind of like the idea that this is holiday the people created - if by people you mean car salesmen and mattress dealers, but still. I've always loved stories about the presidents and I love to think about how ace reporter Nellie Bly got an interview from Grover Cleveland by sitting on his clothes while he was having his morning swim and refusing to give them back til she got her story. I love the story of President Theodore Roosevelt becoming convinced that no one listened to what was said in reception lines so he began saying outrageous things in reception lines: "Good Evening, Mr. President." "I have just murdere d my Mother in Law." "Wonderful news, Mr. President!" "She is upstairs in the bathtub." "Bully, Mr. President." And if you've ever stood in one of those lines, you know the chances are he was right.

My favorite president story right now though, comes from when my daughter and I visited Mount Vernon, and we toured the home and heard the stories of all of the years that President Washington and his wife lived there. We also heard how even after he left office for many, many years their dinner table was crowded with visitors seeking his advice. And then, after, I think, about ten years an unprecedented event happened and the occasion was entered in General Washington's diary. It is also painted on the dining room wall. This is what it says: The date is listed and then, "Tonight, for the first time in the history of the Republic, General and Mrs. Washington dined alone."

Can't you just see them together at that great table? Did they sit at either end or close together? Did they have anything to talk about. We know now that President Washington's many physical problems would have made it impossible for him to get into the army today, but there was a time when there were giants among us - and we miss them today.

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Ode to My Mac

Ode to my Mac dorothywilhelm | February 15, 2010 at 8:42 PM | Tags: InDesign, Mac users | Categories: Computers | URL:http://wp.me/pCg7H-20

Tonight I attended the meeting of my Northwest Apple Pickers group - an organization for Mac users. I am learning gradually. In tonight's program we had a tutorial for InDesign, which apparently has replaced PageMaker. My situation has been pretty tenuous right along, because I didn't even know PageMaker had been replaced. It has been my method to do a lot of cutting and pasting like in the good old newspaper days. I love that Macs are pretty trouble free and spam free.

I would have a laptop, but alas, Macs are expensive.

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Spaghetti Sauce

Today I painted a watercolor. I used fresh tomatoes, peppers, onions, garlic and hot peppers.

You know what that means, don’t you? Now that the painting is finished, I’m going to make spaghetti. I haven’t painted anything in a long time, so this was a lot of fun. I think it’s important to keep doing new things, but not to lose track of the old things either. I had two friends come to paint with me, because they wanted to try something new. One is 84 and one is 87. It was a very fun day.

Avatar

Avatar dorothywilhelm | February 7, 2010 at 9:05 PM | Tags: Avatar | Categories: Uncategorized | URL: http://wp.me/pCg7H-1H

I can't believe I went to see Avatar and I especially can't believe I liked it. I thought that, given the premise, it was really good - though I surely wouldn't take a young child to see it. I always think that the way to judge a fantasy is, not "was it believable?" but "did they make it work" and the spectacular views pretty much made up for the gaps in credibility. Well, that's what I think. I didn't even have too much trouble fitting my tri focals into the three D glasses. Always, try to keep an open mind.

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Mind, Body, Soul

Body, Mind and Soul dorothywilhelm | January 30 , 2010 at 7:08 PM | Tags: chocolate, Minnesota Vikings, Prince, yoga | Categories:Uncategorized | URL: http://wp.me/pCg7H-1C

It's been an exciting day, I must say. My footballphile sons (doesn't that look like some sort of awful constipation? But no, it just means they really, really like football. Anyway, it took them till today to realize that the song Prince wrote for the Minnesota Vikings is actually the Russian National Anthem with new words. But then I'm surprised the Vik's didn't win.

While we were all puzzling over this news, I got word from a meeting planner that they've decided on the theme for the upcoming speech I'll be giving for them in April.. Theme is, Mind (that's me, she says, scuffing her foot modestly; Body (that's Yoga) and Soul (Amy's Decadent Chocolates http://amysdecadentchocolates.com/). The first message said I would represent the element of body, and of course, I was really surprised but pleased and thought I might look for a really, really tight spandex outfit. Now, alas, I don't have to do that. but wait till they find out my mind is nothing to look at either.

We Need Our Vegetables

We Need Daily Vegetables

Posted by dorothywilhelm in Uncategorized. Tagged: career move, Dracula, stress, tips, worry. Leave a Comment

Working on my newest career move, I’m doing everything I can to keep the stress and worry from getting to me. I’m trying to set up a daily work schedule, a marketing plan, exercising regularly, practicing Tai Chi, and of course, the importance of vegetables can’t be overlooked. So I remembered that when my Mom felt stressed, she would always lie down – on an ironing board – with cucumber slices on her eyes. And it worked. She always looked really good,She would just put one end on the bed, and one on the floor, and sort of hang there like Count Dracula waiting for sundown. so I thought I’d try it, but you know what, you can’t do it on today’s ironing board. But my ironing board is really flimsy and the legs keep falling down. Also, the cucumbers keep falling off my eyes – I’m starting to feel really stressed. I suppose I’ll just go back to Olay.

Web 2.0

web 2.0 dorothywilhelm | January 2 3, 2010 at 8:01 PM | Tags: web 2.0 | Categories: Uncategorized | URL: http://wp.me/pCg7H-1y

I'm trying to learn something about managing social media. I'm trying to learn something about

blogs. I write an entry every day. No matter what. So far we've gotten the best response to a

picture my son took of the opening day of trout season in Chaska, Minnesota. Eleven people watched that one. I just don't seem to be a very fast learner.

Creative Gifts

Creative gifts dorothywilhelm | January 22, 2010 at 9:30 PM | Tags: candles, creative, Eeyore | Categories: Uncategorized | URL:http://wp.me/pCg7H-1w

A friend gave me a belated birthday gift today. It was a box of just little things - scented candles and a Starbuck's card but they were in a gorgeous floral printed box tied with a luxurious satin ribbon. I might have given the same gift - in fact, I often have - but I'd probably have shoved the whole thing in a bag, or wrapped it in a lumpy tissue paper parcel. The box was the best part of the gift. I can hardly wait to display it. My friend said, " I never guessed you liked boxes so much." "Neither did I", I said. I felt like Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh with my useful box to put things in. I guess my point is that maybe the outside is as important as the inside in the gifts we receive in life.

I know, I know. We've spent our whole lives looking past the wrapping to the gift inside. All I know is that it's a beautiful box, and I get to fill it up again and again and again. And maybe pass it on.

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Do You Hear the People Sing?

Do You Hear the People Sing?
dorothywilhelm | January 21, 2010 at 8:21 PM | Tags: Dream Concert, dubious., Les Miserables, social media | Categories: Uncategorized | URL: http://wp.me/pCg7H-1u
I just finished watching the Dream Concert of Les Miserables. Again. It's so inspiring.

It makes me feel as if there's nothing I can't do. Well, I can't sing, but anything else. I was pretty disappointed when I found out that all of that three hours of fuss was about a little uprising that never went anywhere. I can't get excited about things that don't go anywhere. Unless it's me.

Today I took a workshop from Social Media Magic. It was very good but I'm not sure I'm any closer at all to understanding how to use this mysterious resource. I am dubious, I've got to say.

I did learn that we should look for groups that would contain the people we're trying to reach.

Collecting Frogs

They say that if you have more than three of anyone thing, it's a collection. That means a I have a collection of dust bunnies. But today I discovered that I have a collection of frogs - and that doesn't count the family of Pacific tree frogs that live on my porch. I have a wonderful book called Once Upon a Lily Pad which is about a romantic pair of frogs who live in the garden of Monet, the artist. I have a bronze frog, given to me to connote the untimely death of another tree frog on the hall rug, and I have a pair of antiqued bronze frogs, given me for Christmas by my son, to connote the article I wrote for the News Tribune about that family of frogs on the porch. Yup, that's a collection, all right.

Condo living has its challenges

I live in a condo. It's really my dream home. Every morning I wake up and hug myself because it's like living in a doll house. I found this place by knowing what I was looking for. I had lived in our big family home for forty years, and it was hard to move. To tell the truth, I was afraid that I'd feel I was beginning to lose all of the things that are important in my life. But a deteriorating hip meant I could no longer manage stairs, so a decision was in order. Before I even began looking, I made a list of all the things my new home would have to have. I needed a private front entrance, to be able to look out my windows and see vistas of green, a private garage where I could bring the car to the kitchen door and there were other things, too. To my surprise, I found exactly what I wanted - and then I learned that no matter how carefully you make the list, you need to recheck to b e sure you haven't forgotten anything - because I did forget one thing. Upstairs neighbors.

My upstairs neighbors are lovely people. Only last night, they invited me to their home for a wonderful dinner. They have three children. Three beautiful children. Three lively active noisy children. You see, it rains a lot in the Pacific Northwest and when it rains, it's hard for little kids to play outside. So they run up and down the hall, and they do jumping jacks in the living room. At least thank goodness, by bedtime they're very, very tired and sleep well at night, but when you are making a selection of a "right sized" home, be sure that everything important is on your wish list.

December 12 - Mexican Tin Ornaments

December 12 – Guadalupe and tin
This is the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe and was the day we always made tin ornaments

for the Christmas tree, using the sort of fanciful bright painted designs of Mexican tin work.

In the early days this was easy, because you could use TV dinner trays and Pot pie plates, but

now they’re all made of cardboard or a tougher metal that you can’t incise designs into, but

you can still get good effects with use craft foil or heavy duty aluminum foil, cut out the designs, incise with a ball point pen.

pen and then color with marking pens and then, of course, tacos for dinner.

December 11 - Family celebration

December 11 – Family Celebrations
Try having the family make a wish list with everything they want on it. The wilder the better, and no lectures about being too greedy. This is just for fun. Sit down together and have fun talking the list over, and “what iffing.” This is very nearly as much fun as receiving the gifts themselves. Think about what you can give to others and how you will share with your community. Then have everyone choose the one (reasonable) thing they would love to have – if you are going to exchange gifts with everyone. And your shopping list is complete and simplified.

Choose one day a week to be a designated special day for one family member. Sunday is a good one. Start with Dad and work right through the family. (Or start with the littlest one and work up.) The person whose “day” it is is responsible for choosing a family activity, and for choosing a story or reading to share with the whole family.

Family parties – Tradition! Choose a family tradition initiate at this party. We spent one day learning to make the traditional fried Italian cookies that, up until now, only my Mom could make. And to tell the truth, ours weren’t as good, but at least we tried. We assigned jobs. Everyone took a turn with the dough, the frying, etc. Then, the finished product was available for eating or admiring.

Someone needs to take the role of narrator, and give blow by blow instructions into a tape cassette or ipod or whatever you have so that everyone has a record of how to accomplish this feat. Be sure to give the little extra tricks and the amusing things that happen.

Have your own family Festival of Trees. Put a small tree in each room and let the

“resident” decorate it to their own taste.

Family Party – Make memory ornaments. Give everyone a large, plain glass ball (plastic for the kids) and paints or permanent markers. They decorate them with some memory of the past year, talk about it before they put it on the tree. Everyone can take their own ornaments to their own tree. (Yes, we used to have a tree for each person to decorate.) That eliminates arguments about ruining color schemes. There just IS no color scheme. The little kids will

enjoy decorating their tree with small toys, trucks or dolls and the like. Cookie cutters are

great to decorate the Christmas tree. Now I can just see you all turning in outraged disbelief to say “With all I have to do, how can you suggest this, but the fact is, If a small tree (real or

artificial) is set in a sturdy base, this is really an unsupervised activity. In fact, make it a

surprise. Everyone decorates their tree and then there is a parade through the house to

view the trees.

December 10 - Bad time to be alone

December 10 – No Time to Be Alone
But what if you are alone? During a radio broadcast a listener called to say, “Those ideas are very nice, but what if you don’t have a family to move the nativity set around with?” In that event, try this. First, get out and take a walk, look at the decorations in the neighborhood or go to the Y. When you exercise, you start endorphins moving and you’re bound to feel better. Laughing helps a lot, too.

Make yourself a gift of love. You do it this way: Find a pretty box. Wrap it in Christmas paper. Make it pretty. Cut a slit in the top just like a Valentine box. Beside it, place a pencil and some slips of paper. Everytime you see evidence of Christmas around you – you read something or hear something that speaks to your heart. Or a friend does something special. Even a TV program that makes you laugh. Write it down and put it in the box. Whenever you feel down, or sorry for yourself, reach in and pull out just a slip or two and read it. We do all receive many gifts every day, but often we allow them to pass unnoticed. On Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, settle down and give yourself plenty of time to enjoy everything in the box. See how rich you really are.

Especially if you are alone, pick up the calendar right now and circle a date – one or better two or three that will be for you alone. Call a friend and arrange a luncheon or a shopping trip. Dress up, go to a nice restaurant, and spend some time choosing or buying a gift for yourself that you ordinarily would consider just a bit extravagant. My first Christmas alone when I realized that there would not be the special gifts that my husband had usually chosen, I went through the catalog just like the kids, circled a few things I really wanted, and gave them permission to use my credit card to buy a surprise for me. Then they wrapped the gifts and I had my usual mysterious packages to poke and feel and rattle. I don’t have to do that now, but it helped then. If you are living through transition, look at the things that are really important to you, and begin now planning strategies to help adjust. No matter how silly they might seem to someone else, if they help you, do it!

December 9 - Day by Day by Day

Make the season last by celebrating the special days. We’ve gotten past December 6th, St Nicholas Day, a great day for making specially decorated Santa Claus cookies to share with the neighborhood kids. December 8 for Mary candles. St. Lucy’s Day is December 10. The festival of lights. You might do something as simple a decorating the table with extra candles. For years our eldest daughter woke us on St. Lucy’s day with a song and fresh coffee cake, because we had convinced her that this was how the day was properly celebrated. Then she found out that none of the other kids had to do it, and she quit. December 13 is the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. Have a dinner of Mexican Food. Make a pinata. There are many reasons to celebrate. Why not create your own. Nothing is more fun than unique family holidays.

Let me know about some of your special holidays.

December 8 - Decorate a candle

December 8 is the day we reserved for candle decorating Since this day is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, we always decorated our candles with pictures of the Madonna and child. But you can use any pictures. An ideal source are all of those old Christmas cards you’ve been saving because they were too pretty to throw away.It’s very simple for even small kids. Just choose and apply your picture (Use Eileen’s craft glue, or cool glue gun to affix.) Add sparkle, and sequins and presto, you’ve got a gift for Grandma. I just love Christmas!!